just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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