I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
do herpes really smell.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
