nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My nipple is on Facebook.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
