your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
