The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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