And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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