I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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