I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
