She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its liver damage thursday
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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