i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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