Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
