Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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