I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
