my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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