Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
