Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
