i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
