I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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