I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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