I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
