dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
