Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
