And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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