when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They took my balls.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
