I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
