So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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