i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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