I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
