Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
