the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
