bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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