i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
