Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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