my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
