Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
