I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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