saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
