I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
