just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
