I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
