and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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