He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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