guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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