He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
