I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
