just come out here and I will go home with you...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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