remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
