was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
50% drunk capacity currently
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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