ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
