I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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