dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
