I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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