I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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