My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
