your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
