that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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