I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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