your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
