She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
