What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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