she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
