i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think your dad took our porno
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
