mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
