I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
