Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
