Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize