youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's like iHOP with fire
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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