You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
