I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize