she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
