Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
