Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize