"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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