uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize