Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
